It’s official. I’m brilliant!


I put together a list of people who, over the years, have said very positive things about me. It doesn’t matter how long or short the list actually is. Suffice to say I was able to get a room full of people together who all felt, quite frankly, that I’m a pretty impressive fellow.

They Love MeI then decided to record the whole thing on video. In it I made various statements covering a wide array of topics that further instilled a sense a bedazzlement and respect in the assembled gathering. I answered every question they posed with ease, though truth be told, given their adoration for me, the questions weren’t exactly taxing.

What prompted all this? I created the video so that I’d have something to send out to all of the rest of you who either don’t know much about me yet or who aren’t quite sold on my mental acumen. I’m sure that once this is shown to enough of you that you’ll see the light and join the rest of the civilized world to place me firmly on the pedestal I so clearly belong. My path in life after that point should be quite a bit more interesting and less distracting. It’ll allow me to focus all my great skills on solving the world’s problems without having to stop and explain my superiority at every turn. Every time I watch the video I’m convinced everyone in it is spot-on in their reverence. You will be too.

What? What’s that I hear from a few of you in the back? What do you mean this isn’t exactly forthright of me? So what if one of the main speakers was my mother. Trust me, she’s not biased. I asked her if she felt she was and she didn’t think so. My son isn’t biased either and he looks so good on camera. Don’t you agree? I also don’t get what you mean about this looking desperate or that it’s in some way wrong. These people clearly realize I’m better than they are. Don’t they have a right to correct your ignorance? I am, after all, just a regular guy, aside from my voluminous wisdom, of course. It’s not as if I hold any real position of responsibility where I’m expected to act in a manner that’s beyond reproach like say, the President of the United States. I know he’d never think of this, but then again, he’s not basking in the same aura as I am. Or is he?

It’s now clear that our President took part in another staged event in a long line of staged events. This time it involved a teleconference with 11 soldiers in Tikrit designed to give the impression that George W. Bush‘s plan for Iraq is going swimmingly. All the questions and actions were choreographed for maximum effect. At one point Bush even tells the soldiers, “You’ve got tremendous support here at home,” which seems to be completely at odds with the polling numbers on this issue showing that a majority of Americans now believe Iraq was a mistake (my brilliance of having been on the right side of that viewpoint from the beginning proved quite effective in my video).

You might find this hard to believe, but their viewpoints were all very positive. Imagine that. A room filled with a majority of American officers chosen by the administration and coached on the questions and the process all managed to say just what the President hoped to hear. How can that be?

Okay, enough of the bull****. This is embarrassing at the lowest possible level. How has it not dawned on anyone supporting these ridiculous antics that this sort of presentation is exactly the type we all denounce and ridicule when we see it in any other government? When we saw Saddam Hussein in front of a cheering crowd, did we all think everyone in Iraq loved the guy? When we see throngs of loving supporters standing around Kim Jong-il does anyone out there believe this was anything but a staged event?

One of the great things about a democracy is supposed to be the fact that you don’t need to resort to this sort of deception. Ask anyone old enough to remember the Soviet Union how it looked every time the Kremlin came out with a statement about how much their people loved being Soviet citizens while, at the same time, being held in by walls. Our tried and true response was that the Soviet Union never had a problem with people breaking into the county. We look just as ridiculous to the rest of the world when our President stoops to this sort of nonsense. What does it say about a President who is entirely incapable of speaking in front of a partisan crowd? What about a President and an administration that needs to resort to photo editing crowds to make the event look more popular? I’m still convinced the President was wearing a wireless hearing aid during the Kerry debates and has worn one at several events thereafter. In the years that come I guarantee you there will be various books exposing these and other embarrassing practices.

I guess the big question is, what’s the main reasoning for this slight of hand? Is it that President Bush is simply too mentally challenged to answer questions from anyone but his most ardent supporters? Or is this all done simply as a marketing stunt to try and fool others into seeing things his way? In either case, it’s wrong. Frankly, I feel it should also be unquestionably, patently and permanently illegal for our President to take part in such theatrics. If your record or that of your administration is so problematic that you can no longer speak in front of a real cross-section of the public or the press, it’s time for you to admit defeat and leave. You’ve created your own version of a vote of no confidence.

George Bush is an actor. At least we knew that about Ronald Reagan going in and we loved him for it. Bush is an actor out of necessity and history will record that we didn’t love him for it. Now excuse me as I need to go see about shipping charges for some videos.

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