When Projectile Vomiting Can Be Funny


I woke up at 4am Thursday morning to a dire urge to purge. I rushed to the bathroom and somehow managed to compose myself before anything happened. However, nausea dominated me for the next 18+ hours (still there) and I lost the battle around 10am.

It was a pitched struggle as it should be. I hadn’t vomited—let alone like that—for quite a long time and I saw no reason to restart the process again. Visions of a Seinfeld episode come to mind.

That growl you get when you know you're just going to vomit.So there I am, perched over the bowl and what comes into mind but good old George Carlin and his many wonderfully creative ways of describing the act of vomiting. I would start to laugh only to be interrupted by more spasms…. The conundrum made the whole event even funnier. I still felt (and still feel) like hell but at least, for once, there was a modicum of relief in the form of the terms.

So without further adieu I give you the phrases that helped me get through the day:

“Calling Ralph on the big white telephone.”

“Driving the porcelain bus.”

“Praying to the porcelain Gods.”

“Technicolor yawn.”

“Engage in an involuntary personal protein spill.”

I miss you George.

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  1. I have been there and done that.

    There must be something going around because everyone in my family and most of my friends have had similar symptoms in the past month.
    But the real reason I felt compelled to reply is because I personally find vomiting to be such an unpleasant process. I will do anything to stop the potential for my digestive system going in reverse.
    I truly laughed at your comments. I thought I was the only one…

    Hope you feel better.

    (a former Viatalk subscriber)….

  2. It’s funny. Initially I thought I had food poisoning but it lasted too long and included some really nasty tail-end headaches and now some really nasty …. gas including the pains to go with it. No help from George on that part. On the plus side I am feeling better–thanks!

    Lastly, where did you go from ViaTalk? I’m still there but shopping.

  3. I went to Voipo. They are the exact opposite of my experience with Viatalk. That was a nightmare…lol

    Yes they have growing pains but they fix everything immediately and the sound quality is phenomenal. Relatively little if no downtime and they are implementing changes etc. slowly.
    The entire feel of the company is opposite to what Brendan conveys.

    They allow 2 lines per adapter for the price of 1 and a free virtual number for every account.

    If you want any further details, contact me through DSL reports as username:
    NY Tel.

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